Pick me up
by natzbadfairy
Summary: Meredith and Derek are having an affair behind Addison's back but when Meredith takes ill due to thier actions, Derek can do nothing but be there for her, with Addison watching. Merder p.s denny's not dead lol
1. Chapter 1

-1Meredith stood at the kitchen door, looking out. George and Callie ran around after Elliot, Elliot having discovered walking and loving the freedom.

'Mere, he's here,' Meredith nodded to what Izzie had said but never took her gaze off of George and Callie.

'You called me, for the first time,' Meredith looked down into the cup of coffee.

'Are you working tomorrow morning?'

'I have a surgery at night so no,'

'I have and appointment, that I need help to get home after and I…I was wondering if you could bring me home after it,'

'What is it?' Meredith sighed heavily, having psyched herself up for this moment.

'When we had sex two months ago…we didn't use anything so I'm pregnant,' Derek said nothing, Meredith feeling his eyes on the back of her head.

'I have an appointment at a clinic and I can't drive after it…can you take me home after it,'

'Wait, have you even thought this through?'

'You think I would rush into something like this? You Don't want Addison to find out about us, a baby is going to kina give it away. Plus how can I bring up a baby when I'm a senior resident?'

'Have you thought about the fact that's a human being?'

'Derek, please don't do this. I have thought about this more than you could imagine. Now, can you pick me up or not?' Derek turned and walked out the kitchen door, Meredith looking at him leaving.

'walk away, that's what you do best,' Denny past Derek as he was leaving, Meredith leaning down on the kitchen table.

'You ok?' Meredith looked up and smiled weakly at Denny.

'Not really,' Denny leaned down and lifted the bottle of tequila out the cupboard.

'Izzie has just left for work, George and Callie are leaving for the airport. I could use the company and you look like you could use a drink,' Meredith shook her head.

'I…I'm pregnant,'

'Shit, no tequila. That must suck,' Meredith burst out laughing, Denny glad he could put a smile on her face.

'Come on, I'll treat you to a bottle of non alcoholic beer at Joes,' Meredith sat facing Denny in the booth, Denny letting her talk.

'Me and Derek…we've been seeing each other, behind Addison's back. Only that last time we met was by accident, at the ferryboats and we didn't use anything. Then I was late and I took a test. I'm nearly two months gone. I have an appointment booked for a clinic tomorrow morning and I was asking Derek if he could pick me up and bring me home after it, since I can't dive for forty eight hours,'

'I'm guessing you've taken the time off work then,'

'Not quite. I have surgery's tomorrow night but Izzie said she would drive me in,'

'Your gonna operate on someone when you can't even drive yourself to work?'

'How can I explain to the chief of surgeries that I can't come into work. He needs a reason and proof of that reason,'

'Say it's your mother,' Meredith pondered the thought but eventually discarded it.

'I can't miss work. Plus he would kill me,'

'I'll take you tomorrow, and I'll bring you back. On the one condition you take tomorrow off,'

'But work,'

'If you aren't fit to get to work then your not fit to be at work. You're a doctor for god sake, you know what happens. Take the day off and I'll take you and bring you back,' Meredith nodded.

'Ok. Thank you…for not judging me,'

'hey, with some of the stuff I've done, I have no right to judge anyone. I leave it to the big man up the stairs,'


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews. it made updateing a lot easier. hope you enjoy and please review ;)**

Meredith pulled her jacket on, Denny lifting her bag off the seat.

'You ok?' Meredith shook her head, Denny taking hold of her. She fell against him, Denny catching her.

'And you were gonna work,'

'I need to go in, tell the chief,'

'I'm coming with you but your not checking on patients or just running a test. You tell him then your out of there,' Meredith nodded, her body completely drained. Her hands trembled as she knocked the door, Denny still holding her up.

'Meredith, what can I do for you?'

'Chief…I need to take a couple of days off,'

'What's wrong?'

'I…my mother, she needs me and I can't work and be with her,'

'That's fine, take as long as you need. Tell her I was asking for her,'

'You can go and see her,'

'Thank you,' Meredith staggered out the door, Denny catching her.

'What did you the him?'

'My mother needed me,'

'Ok, lets get you home,'

'Let me…I need to see Derek,'

'You think that's a wise move?'

'he needs to know what's happening,' Denny left her, Meredith holding onto the banisters. He stood watching the OR board, Meredith coming up behind him.

'Derek,' He turned, the sight of her unable to hold herself up frightening him.

'God almighty,' he eased her down onto the stairs, Meredith closing her eyes.

'what's wrong?'

'It's all over, everything back to the way it was,' Derek sighed heavily, Meredith leaning forward.

'You shouldn't have,'

'I had to…I couldn't do it on my own,' Derek kissed her forehead lightly, Meredith grabbing onto his scrub top.

'What's wrong?'

'You…you need to page Addison,' Derek looked down, the blood seeping into Meredith's trousers.

'Shit…I NEED HELP OVER HERE,' Meredith could feel herself falling forward but couldn't stop. Her legs hung over Derek's arms, her stomach spasms causing her to curl up. Addison looked at Derek, then to Meredith, not seeing the blood.

'Addison, she had a termination this morning,' Addison pressed down on her stomach, Meredith passing out.

'It's botched, I need an OR open,' Derek paced up and down outside the OR; Izzie, George, Denny and Alex standing watching him. Christina came out in front of Addison, Addison walking past him.

'What happened?'

'Part of it wasn't evacuated out but her body tried to get rid of it. She cleaned it out and checked everything,'

'How is she?'

'She's gonna be in ICU for a couple of days, checking for infection but she's fine,' Addison stood at the window, looking in at Meredith.

'It was your's,' Derek stood next to her.

'Yeah,'

'I'll sign the papers, let you two get together,'

'Why? You didn't want to sign when you cheated but as soon as I cheat we're divorcing?'

'You Don't want me and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I might not leave Seattle but I will sign and I'll leave the trailer, might even get to sleep in a proper house,' Derek smiled, Addison looking at him.

'Just tell me one thing,'

'What?'

'We did try didn't we? We weren't just faking it?'

'No, we did try but it just…before Mark we were separate people. After Mark…it just wasn't the same as it was before. I couldn't…I couldn't forget,'

'I understand. You can go in and sit with her if you want,' Derek sat on the edge of the bed, his hands gently grazing the side of Meredith's face. She turned towards it, her face wincing in pain.

'hey,' Meredith closed her eyes again, Derek not leaving her side. Denny smiled through the glass, Izzie raising her eyebrows at him.

'What are you smiling at?'

'You know something, the big guy up the stairs works in mysterious ways,'


	3. Chapter 3

-1**Hey, hope you are enjoying the story so far. Not really sure where it's heading but I rarely ever do. I ask two small favours. The first being that you listen to Sparkle me by Buffseeds. The other is that you press that little purple button. Enjoy ;)**

Meredith tied her hair up loosely, Not seeing Addison slide the discharge papers across the table.

'You should be in some pain for a couple of days. No sex for three weeks and no trying for another baby for three months. If you need anything Meredith, call me,'

'Thank you Addison, for everything. You didn't need to operate on me. You could have got some one else. It means a lot that you did it for me,'

'I wouldn't trust anyone else Meredith. And I 'm sorry about the damage,'

'hey, it's just one of these things that happen,'

'Yeah but it must still hurt,'

'It will when I can't have kids but now I'm just glad I made it out of the OR,' Addison squeezed her shoulder, Derek standing at the door looking between the two women. Addison nodded her head at him, Meredith smiling broadly.

'Hey, you ready to go home?'

'are you kidding? I am dieing to go home,' Derek lifted Meredith's bag off the bed, Meredith holding onto his arm. Bailey stopped them as they walked past the nurses station.

'I heard that you were back together, congratulations,' Meredith looked up at Derek.

'Yeah,'

'However nice it is to hear that you are back together, I had better not find you in an on call room or exam room together unless you are both working but not on each other,' Meredith's face went scarlet, Derek laughing gently. Bailey pushed them forward out the hospital, Meredith glad people were accepting them, not thinking of her as the woman who split up a marriage. She sat in the passenger seat, Derek seeming totally fixed on the road. But he was watching her, the contented smile on her face seeming to be growing. She raised her eyebrows as Derek pulled off the highway but she soon knew where he was taking her. She climbed out the car and walked over towards the edge of the water, looking at the ferryboats in front of her. She turned, brimming with happiness. She outstretched her hand to Derek, the two of them walking down to the edge of the pier. She sat leaned up against him, her legs dangling freely over the edge.

'I'm sorry,'

'What for?'

'That…that I had the termination,' Derek sighed, his arm going around her shoulders.

'You did what you thought was right at the time. Don't be sorry,'

'I should have listened to you,'

'No, you felt the dirty mistress that had fell pregnant. You were acting on that. I understand that,'

'I don't understand how you can be so calm about it,'

'When you took ill, I was so scared. You just…you were bleeding badly and I…I thought with the blood loss and the fact you were so weak that I had lost you. I thought I had lost you for good,' Meredith rubbed Derek's thigh, her eyes falling to the empty water in front of them

'I still should have listened to you,'

'Look, it's done now and you can do nothing about it. Just…let's put it behind us,'

'You can do that?'

'I love you, and loving you means being with you all the way. And that's what I plan on doing,'

'That sounds good…so does the idea of food,' Derek kissed Meredith's forehead before lifting her up, Meredith wrapping her arms around his neck.

'like seriously,'

'Seriously…what?'

'You are amazing,'

'It has been said in the past,' Meredith closed her eyes and leaned up against Derek. She smiled, watching him cooking from the work top.

'So what are you planning on poisoning me with?'

'I was thinking pancakes but since you seem to want to be poisoned maybe we should go with the raw eggs,'

'Are you trying to make me sick?'

'No, pancakes are being made,'

'I just found the reason I'm gonna keep you around,' Meredith went quiet, Derek noticing the difference instantly. She pressed down on her stomach, Derek coming over to her side.

'What's wrong?'

'Just pain, I have pain killers in my bag,'

'You want me to call Addison,'

'NO, I'm fine…I just need the pain killers,'

'have something to eat,'

'You really don't want me to be sick,'

'I know what pain killers on an empty stomach can do. Eat something and I'll grab them,' Meredith slipped down off the counter, Derek catching her as she fell forward.

'Ok, bed or couch?' Meredith shook her head, Derek nodding his.

'bed or couch, no argument,'

'Couch,'

'Sure?'

'no…yes, couch no bed. Let's go to bed,'

'Pain killers?'

'Already swallowed,' Meredith let Derek lift her, walking up stairs causing more pain. She held onto him, Derek lying facing her.

'I'm sorry,'

'Meredith, please, stop with sorry,'

'But I am…I'm so sorry,'

'What are you saying sorry for? I've already told you,'

'There was damage to my left fallopian tube,' Derek's eyes became soft, Meredith unable to tear her gaze away.

'Why didn't you tell me sooner?'

'I didn't want you thinking I was damaged goods,

'Meredith, we're gonna save a fortune on condoms, you get this right?' Meredith laughed gently, her muscles contracting causing her to grimace.

'I had a feeling, the way Addison was with you and when you told her to shut up about it when I came into the room. Yeah, I knew something wasn't right. Even if you do have a damaged fallopian tube it doesn't make you damaged goods. I love you with or without fallopian tubes. It just means we might take a bit longer than other people. At least we get a win win situation,'

'What's that then?'

'We get to have more time 'practising'…and we both know how fun that can be,'


	4. Chapter 4

-1Meredith eased herself up out bed, her surgical scar healing slowly. She smiled, Derek pushing her up.

'Thank you,.'

'You ok?'

'Yeah, pain killers are needed though,'

'Where's sore?'

'Derek I had major abdominal surgery last week, I'm allowed to be sore. Addison's gave me a prescription for it anyway,'

'I know, but you shouldn't be waking up in pain,'

'I wasn't sleeping,'

'What were you doing?' Meredith's face turned a shade of red, Derek smiling.

'You were watching me sleeping again,' Meredith nodded, fighting to get the child lock off the bottle. She hit the top of it with her hand, Jumping slightly when Derek came into the bathroom, taking the bottle out her hands and opening the bottle with ease.

'I'm not an invalid,'

'I never said you were,'

'Stop looking at me like I am then because I can't get a bottle open,'

'Ok, I apologies. You want a glass of water?'

'When have I ever drank water? I'll go make coffee,'

'Go back to be, I'll bring it up,'

'I can make a cup of coffee Derek,'

'I didn't say you couldn't. just go back to bed and I'll bring it up,' Meredith smiled, Derek following her out the bathroom. She lay on the bed, her finger running along the scar.

'Your making yourself think about it by doing that,' Meredith took the coffee out his hands, the multiple pills slipping down her throat easily.

'half an hour then we can get proper food,'

'Hey,'

'Derek, if I even see a bowl of muesli, I swear I will scream,'

'yeah but it,'

'Yeah I know it builds up your strength but I don't care. I refuse to eat anymore muesli,'

'Ok, you win,'

'And…I thought…we could take a trek to Joes…maybe,'

'Joes? You know, painkillers and tequila are not a good mix,'

'Who said anything about drinking…I just want to see people and not the walls of this house with the occasional sprinkling of Izzie,'

'Ok, we'll do Joes tonight but on one condition,'

'What?' Meredith sat up against the headboard

'You get any pain, then we leave and your not allowed to pretend,' Meredith raised her eyebrows over the coffee cup.

'You drive a hard bargain,'

'You've just had surgery, it will continue to be a hard bargain until I know that your back up on your feet,'

'Ok, and I promise I won't hide it,' Meredith stepped into Joes, Everyone sitting in the corner booth.

'Hey Meredith, good to see you back on your feet. Usual?' Meredith shook her head at Joe.

'Nope, can I have water? Doctors orders,' Joe smiled at Derek, Denny noticing Meredith first.

'Dr Grey,'

'Mr Duquette,' Izzie looked round, Smiling over her shoulder at Meredith.

'Hey your up,' She moved up, Meredith sliding in the booth beside her.

'I had to get out the house for a couple of hours, the walls were starting to close in,' Derek watched her, checking her face for any sign of pain. She hid the pain she did have, putting the glass up to her face biting down on the glass.

'Can we go?' Derek stood up, easing Meredith up slowly.

'Listen, we're gonna head back,'

'Ok, I'll see you later Mere,'

'Bye Iz, see you later Denny,' Meredith sat in the car, her head back against the headrest.

'You ok?' Meredith opened her eyes, Derek looking at her.

'Yeah, sore and tired but I'm ok,'


	5. Chapter 5

-1**Hey, this is about 2 years into the future. Meredith and Derek are married now and this is how the past is about to catch up with them. **

Meredith lay on the bed, Derek running his hand up and down her arm.

'I have a surgery in half an hour,'

'Stay here,' Meredith wrapped her arm around him tighter, Derek smiling.

'You realise that I eventually will need to go,'

'Why? Get someone else to do the surgery for you,'

'Mere,'

'Come on, you've not had one morning off in about six weeks,'

'That's because people need me to operate on their brains,'

'And? They need me to do the same yet I always manage to make sure that it's late at night so that I can stay in bed late in the morning,'

'I prefer to operate in the morning,'

'You make no sense Derek Shepherd,'

'But you love me for it?'

'Yeah,' Derek slipped out under the covers, pulling his scrub bottoms on.

'If bailey catches you in here,'

'I'll blame you. She won't shout at you,'

'You know bailey, she'd kill me and make it look like an accident,'

'No she wouldn't,' Derek raised his eyebrows at Meredith, Meredith shaking her head

'Ok, maybe she would but she wouldn't make it look like an accident,' Meredith reached into the pile of clothes at the bottom of the bed. Her pager continued beeping as she ran down the corridor, tying her scrub pants back on.

'WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?' the two interns looked at her, each of them stammering.

'I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED,'

'She just started bleeding…she wouldn't stop. Then she started convulsing and wouldn't stop,' Meredith looked up at the monitors.

'HER ICP'S DOUBLE, GET AN OR'

Meredith came out of the OR rubbing her hand over her face. Twenty minutes in and the patients heart had stopped and never started again. She knew she had to tell the family, something that she would never get used to doing. The young guy sat holding the two year old girl his arms, the sleeping baby soothing his slightly. Meredith took her scrub cap off as she walked towards him, the look in her eyes telling him before she even came close to him.

'No…no she didn't,'

'I am so sorry,' the sobs echoed around the room, sympathetic eyes falling on the young mans who's world had just fallen apart with Meredith walking towards him. Derek watched from the bridge, Meredith walking away with tears in her eyes. He caught her going into the elevator, Meredith shaking her head.

'Not now Derek…just, I'll find you later,'

'You know where I am if you need me,'

'Yeah,' She leaned up against the back of the elevator, wanting the world to swallow her. The elevator doors opened and closed, Meredith lifting her head as the chief stood beside her.

'I heard about what happened. You alright?'

'Fine chief,'

'Meredith'

'Honestly, I'm fine. Never gets any easier, you know that better than anyone else,' he nodded once, Meredith hiding away in her office. No one asked questions as she left, no one stopped her for advice as she left, the way it usually was. People gave her space, the pale look on her face warning them off. Derek came up behind her as she tried to find her keys in the bottom of her bag.

'hey,'

'Hey,' he pulled his out of his pocket, Meredith giving him a grateful smile.

'You hungry?'

'No, I'm ok,'

'Mere,'

'I just want to go home Derek,'

'Ok,'

Meredith sat on the end of the bed, looking to the floor, even when she knew Derek was standing looking at her.

'You can talk to me,'

'A guy's life was shattered today Derek because I couldn't stop a bleed in his wife's head. A baby girl was left without a mother. Is that enough talking?'

'mere,'

'No Derek, this isn't something that can be fixed easily. I destroyed a family and…and I can't get the look of his face out of my head when I told him that his wife was dead and wouldn't be coming home with him and his daughter. It's…it's not fair, they didn't deserve it,'

'They never do. It might not be able to be fixed easily but that doesn't mean that you need to beat yourself up over it you couldn't have stopped what happened to her. You tried and you failed. I've tried and I've failed so many times that I've lost count. It does get easier,'

'Your just saying that,'

'No Meredith, I'm not. I mean it. It does get easier and you'll notice the difference. I've been where you are right now so many times over. Your questioning what you've done over and over again in your head,'

'You know me well,'

'No, I know that every single surgeon has been in your position at one point in there career or will be. It just takes time to get over and when you do, you'll know it and nothing will stop you,'

'Bonnie?' Derek took a breath in, knowing where she was going with it.

'That was different,'

'How was it different. Her life was in your hands and you had the chance to save her and you couldn't. no matter what you couldn't save her,'

'She was dead when she was brought into the hospital. The minute the pole went through her she lost any chance of leaving the place alive,'

'But it took you days to get over Derek. Even now I know you hate talking about it. I watched you tell her fiancé that she was dead. I was with you in that elevator. I was there when you couldn't look yourself in the mirror. So Derek, does it really get any easier?'

'sometimes, yeah you can say it does, others no. but I promise you that you will get to a point where they don't affect you like this and others they knock you off your feet. This is one that's knocking you off your feet but you'll get back up, I promise,' Meredith nodded her head

'I could have stopped…I could have stopped the bleed,' Derek sat next to Meredith, Meredith turning into face him.

'It's ok,' Meredith curled up against him, Derek allowing her to fall asleep. Her grip was tight around the cover; Derek able to slip out from underneath her and answer the phone.

'_shepherd, where's Meredith?'_

'Bailey?'

'_No, the freaking queen. Where is she?'_

'She's in bed sleeping,'

'_You need to get her in here,'_

'Bailey she needs to sleep. What is it?'

'_Thatcher's been brought in and he's demanding to see her. Won't leave unless she see's him,'_

' You know what happened the last time…what he said to her. I won't let him hurt her again,'

'_Then you need to come and get him…he won't leave,'_

'I'll be in as soon as I can, put him in an exam room and tell him that she's on her way.,'

'_Will do,'_ Derek sighed heavily and lifted his keys off of the sideboard.

'What's wrong?' Meredith rubbed her eyes as she walked down the stairs, Derek kissing her cheek gently.

'The hospital called, they need me to do a consult,'

'You just worked a thirty six hour shift,'

'What can I say? I'm popular,'

'Yeah yeah,'


	6. Chapter 6

-1Meredith opened her eyes, Derek lifting her up from the couch. She wrapped her arms around him as he carried her up the stairs.

'Hey what took so long?'

'Nothing, it's sorted,' Meredith didn't question him, simply curling in against him. He watched her for an hour, a rattling at the front door dragging him back into reality.

'What do you want?'

'To…to see Meredith. Like what I asked for,' Derek stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

'I told you earlier, she doesn't want to see you,'

'You…you don't know that,'

'Thatcher, I want you to leave,'

'I want to see my daughter,' Derek could feel the front door being pulled from the inside, Derek knowing that Meredith was at the other side. She opened the door, her gaze falling onto Thatcher.

'What…what are you doing here?'

'I wanted to see you,'

'Why? What could you possibly have to sat to me that I want to hear?'

'I'm sorry,' Meredith pulled Derek in the house and shut the door. She leaned down on the back of it, the kicks of Thatcher causing her body to physically move from the door. She waited, five minutes after she had closed the door in his face, the screams of her name slicing through her.

'Call Lexie, tell her to get her father,'

'Meredith, I can get rid of him,'

'No, just call Lexie and let her get rid of him. She's his daughter,'

'YOUR USELESS…JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER…NOT WORTH IT…YOUR NOT WORTH IT,' Meredith opened the front door, pushing Thatcher down onto the grass.

'THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME HERE AND TELL ME? IF I AM SO MUCH LIKE HER, THEN I WOULD KNOW…WOULDN'T I? YOU SEEM TO THINK I'M SO LIKE HER SO GO ON…HIT ME LIKE YOU DID HER,' Thatcher was silent, Meredith slamming the door shut.

'Call Lexie and get him away from me,' Meredith locked the door, Derek watching her walk up the stairs, wiping away the tears that had fallen down her face. She lay in the bath, ignoring the voices from below her. The bathroom door opened slowly, Derek sitting on the toilet seat watching her in the bath.

'He was going to say the same thing as last time,'

'No he wasn't because he didn't mean it the first time,'

'Derek, he's stone cold sober, he's not on drugs. He means it and doesn't plan on saying anything but that to me,'

'What were you talking about…when you said about him hitting your mom?' Meredith sighed heavily, knowing that she would need to tell him.

'When my mom told Thatcher about the affair, he freaked. He…he beat her until she could barely stand. I sat on the stairs and watched it,'

'How old were you?'

'I was seven, three days after my birthday. Richard was sitting outside and when he heard me screaming cause of the blood on the floor, he came in and,'

'And?'

'And I never saw Thatcher again until I went to see him a few years ago. It was…it was just before I had…before I took ill,' Derek knew instantly what she was talking about and nodded once in recognition. 'He said that it was my own fault and that I was as big a whore as my mother,'

'Your not,'

'That is something that could be debated,'

'You're a married woman who has an amazing job,'

'Job and the fact someone's married doesn't change the fact their a whore,'

'No, but the person that's doing both does. Your not a whore,' Meredith smiled, Derek kneeling down next to the bath. She kissed him gently.

'Thank you,'


	7. Chapter 7

-1Meredith sat on the edge of the bath, sipping the coffee as she waited for the white stick to tell her that she was pregnant or not. Inside she liked the idea of being able to go to Joes, spend three and four days in the hospital at a time. But most of all, she wanted a baby. A family with Derek. Thatcher's outburst seven months previous had spurred her on, made the motherly feelings come to the surface. She never wanted what she and her mother had.

She wanted a relationship with her child or children. She knew Derek would never be Thatcher and that he would be an amazing Dad. Trying to convince him, the night Thatcher had arrived that having a baby was a good idea took time and persuasion but she knew he wanted it too. What he didn't want was the pain and disappointment that came with the trying. He knew it would make them or break them.

Meredith looked at her watch, sipping the coffee cup and emptying the now cold coffee down the sink. She sat the pink mug on the counter and tied her hair back up. She glanced down at the stick, not able to tell what it was showing. Every month she had bought a new brand, knowing that if she knew how one worked and could tell from a glance, it would kill her finding something that important out from a glance.

Pulling Derek's grey jumper down over the top of her pyjama bottoms, she lifted the box from the bin. Lifting the stick she compared what the box was saying, the stick in front of her holding her destiny. Another time of pain or heaven. Her eyes jumped back and forward between the two, the smile growing each time. Her heart started pounding against her chest, Meredith laughing gently. She walked numbly out the bathroom, Derek looking at her from the bed.

'Meredith?' He stood up in front of Meredith, Meredith looking between the stick and him.

'What?' she turned the stick towards him, the two blue lines bright on the white background.

'Mere?'

'It's positive,'

'What?' Derek took the box and the stick off of her, comparing the two images. Her eyes sparkled, Derek picking her up and spinning her around, her face lit up. She wrapped her body around his, Derek sitting down on the bed.

'I…I can't believe this is happening…now,'

'We have been trying,'

'I know…usually it takes longer Mere,'

'Well, we're lucky. And were going to make up for lost time, I promise,'

* * *

Meredith pulled her scrub top on, her hand stopping over her stomach. She felt her body tingle at the idea that there was a person growing inside her. Derek caught her, a slight wave of envy coming over him that he wasn't' beside her.

'Dr Shepherd,' Derek turned and smiled at Bailey, Bailey shaking her head at him.

'You got a good reason for standing staring at Dr Shepherd?' Derek nodded his head, Bailey looking at the two of them.

'I'll see you later Dr Bailey,'

'Shep, if something's wrong or if you've screwed up again, I will kill you for not telling me and giving me previous warning,'

'Trust me Bailey, this is an amazing thing,' bailey raised her eyebrows.

'Just…lets just say Miranda…luck is definitely on our side,'

'Shepherd, I don't like it when you talk in cryptic…means something is wrong,'

'Nothings wrong Miranda…nothing at all,' Meredith looked around suddenly, worried that someone had seen her, figured out her secret. She laughed as Derek raised his eyebrows at her, the smile on his face from ear to ear.

'Bailey's figure somthings going on,'

'Derek you can never fool Miranda Bailey, I know that better than anyone,'

'True. Listen…I want you to,'

'don't you dare say take things easy or I will have to kick your ass,'

'I was going to say, before you rudely interrupted me,' Meredith handed Derek the chart smiling, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

'You should get everyone round to the house tonight, well phone in dinner,'

'Like the way we used to,'

'Yeah,'

'You just want to tell them all,' Derek kissed Meredith gently before walking away down the hall.

'Is there anything wrong with that?' Derek turned and started walking backwards.

'Not at all Doctor Shepherd,'

* * *

Meredith sat on the floor, leaning back against Derek, watching as yet another debate ensued between Christina and Izzie over wither Cardio was better than Plastics.

'I'm not saying that Cardio is crap but I'm saying that there has to be a much more satisfying feeling coming from helping tiny people,'

'But when you do Cardio Barbie…you get to help all different kinds of people, not just tiny people,' Derek leaned down into Meredith's ear.

'How much has Christina had to drink?'

'I have no idea but I'm pretty sure it's double what she usually drinks,' Derek chuckled, Izzie and Christina throwing him a death glare.

'I wasn't laughing at you guys, nope…not you guys,'

'Just because both our specialities kicks your ass doesn't mean to say you have to laugh about it,' Derek stood up, Meredith falling back against the couch.

'I am not getting into an argument with you over which speciality is the best, cause I already know that neuro is,' Christina and Izzie instantly lifted the pillows they were sitting on, throwing them at Derek. Meredith covered her mouth, stopping herself from laughing but failing miserably.

'So, dark and twisty one, why have you called us all here?' Meredith looked at Alex.

'Why would there be a reason?'

'Last time you called us here Meredith, you and Mc Dreamy were getting hitched,'

'Not true, last time was when Izzie and Denny were pregnant,'

'Hey, as much as I like you Grey, I am not the pregnant one, she is,' Izzie blushed, Denny brushing his hand over her slight bump.

'Do you have any idea what you've started? Now they're going to be all loved up and babyish because she's pregnant…nice one Meredith,' Meredith looked at Derek who handed her a glass of water. She shook her head, Derek looking at her questioningly. He pulled her to her feet, Meredith shaking her head and walking through to the kitchen.

'Is mere ok?' Derek shrugged his shoulders at Alex.

'What were you guys talking about?'

'Denny and Izzie being all soppy cause she's pregnant,' Derek closed his eyes and followed Meredith. She stood flicking through the delivery leaflet.

'Mere,'

'Look, just not tonight ok. Christina's took drunk and Izzie and Denny are all loved up. Callie and George aren't here yet,'

'We'll tell them after dinner when some of the alcohol in Christina's system has been absorbed and she isn't threatening to kick my ass,'

'She Won't kick your ass,' Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's neck, holding onto him.

'You didn't see the way she was looking at me,' Meredith nodded, kissing Derek gently.

'God you two are like a pair of rabbits,' Meredith looked to the side, Christina falling up the stairs.

'YOUSHOULDPUTABATHROOMDOWNSTAIRSINTHISPLACE,'

'OR YOU COULD JUST NOT GET AS DRUNK AND NEED TO PEE AS MUCH,'

'MEREDITHSHUTUPWITHTHELOGICALTHINKINGWILLYOU…IREALLYNEEDTOFINDTHEBATHROOM,'

'YOU'VE BEEN HERE SO MANY TIMES AND YOU CAN'T FIND THE BATHROOM?'

'I'MDRUNK…GIVEMESYMPATHY,'

'NOPE,' everyone looked at Meredith as she as Derek came back into the living room.

'So seriously why did you guys bring us all here?' Meredith nodded.

'After dinner Alex, we'll talk after dinner,'

Denny was drying the plates, watching Meredith out the side of his eye as she washed them.

'You seem different,'

'What?'

'Meredith, look at me,' she looked at Denny, her face seeming to glow.

'when did you find out?' Meredith faltered

'Find out what?'

'That you were pregnant?' Meredith laughed.

'You now me better than I thought Denny. This morning,' Denny hugged Meredith.

'Congratulations,'

'Thank you…for everything Denny…I mean everything. You didn't judge me…it means a lot,'

'Hey, like I said, I leave everything to the big man up the stairs,'


	8. Loss

Meredith looked up at the OR board, Derek in OR one with a Craniotomy. The pain shot through her stomach again, Meredith leaning back against the stairs.

'You ok?' Meredith turned her face white, smiling at the nurse weakly.

'Yeah. How far has Dr Shepherd's surgery got left?'

'He's due out in ten minutes,' Meredith waited until the nurse left before slowly walking down to the OR door. She stood, supporting herself up on the sinks in the scrub room. Derek looked over, signalling for her to come in. She held the mask up at her face, her other hand holding onto her side.

'Dr shepherd…can I see you…outside…please,' Derek looked up, Meredith's breathing raspy. He nodded his head, the resident closing the patient up. Derek followed Meredith into the scrub room, taking the mask off and binning it.

'What's wrong?' Meredith looked up, her hands grabbing onto the sinks.

'You need to get Izzie,' Derek hit the call button, two nurses running in.

'Get me Izzie Duquette down here, now,' Derek lifted Meredith, easing her down onto a gurney, closing the blinds of the exam room. Meredith rolled onto her side, the tears slowly streaming down her face. Izzie came in, Alex pulling Derek away from the side of the bed.

'Meredith, what hurts?' Meredith wriggled about on the bed, Izzie trying to hold her down on the bed.

'I need an ultrasound now,' the nurse ran out coming back minutes later, wheeling the machine in.

'Meredith I need you to lie still for me,' Meredith laid on her back, Izzie spreading the gel over her stomach. Izzie ran the ultrasound over Meredith's abdomen, shaking her head she looked at Derek, Alex squeezing his shoulder.

'The linings come away,' Meredith rolled back onto her side, Derek coming down to her eye level.

'It's ok…it's ok mere,' Meredith covered her eyes with her hand, the nurse setting up an IV.

'I'll give you an anti spas-matic, the pain should ease. I'll come back in a while,' Meredith shook her head.

'No…I'm going back to work,'

'No your not. You've just been admitted,' Izzie lifted the sides of the bed, Alex following her out.

'I'm…sorry,' Derek brushed Meredith's hair out her face.

'It's not your fault,'

'I should of done something…anything…gone to Izzie,'

'This wasn't your fault,' Meredith turned her face into the pillow, her body shaking as she sobbed into it. The pain eased, Meredith held onto Derek, him rocking her back and forward.

'Meredith?' Izzie slipped into the room, Alex pulling Derek out.

'I need to evacuate the uterus. I've booked an OR,' Meredith laid on the bed and said nothing to anyone. The embarrassment and loss causing her to go into herself. Izzie tried talking to her but Meredith simply stared at the wall, waiting to be taken down to the OR.


	9. Chapter 9

-1Denny sat in the kitchen, looking up from the magazine. He gulped the cereal down, his eyes widening at Meredith coming in the kitchen.

'What are you doing here?' Denny smiled

'Morning sickness kicking in?' Meredith shook her head, standing at the back door with the mug of coffee.

'I'm officially on sick leave for two weeks,'

'Why? You really must be suffering from the morning sickness. Izzie was so bad with it for months,'

'I miscarried yesterday morning. Izzie operated last night and evacuated the rest of the uterus. I came home after it,' Denny was up on his feet, taking the coffee out of Meredith's hands and holding her.

'I'm so sorry,'

'She said that there was no chance of stopping it…she just cleaned me up and I signed myself out,' Meredith's legs collapsed from underneath her, Denny sliding down to the floor with her. She held onto him, but she didn't cry, her body seeming to be unable to cry anymore than what she had done during the night.

'Denny?' Denny looked to the door. Christina and Burke standing.

'Not now,' Meredith didn't move, Christina pushing Burke out the door and closing it.

'I need to tell them,' Denny brushed the back of Meredith's hair down.

'No, you do what you want and need what you think everyone else needs you to do. I'll tell them once we get you upstairs,' Denny held onto Meredith's shoulders, walking her back up into the room. She sat on the edge of the bed, Denny lifting her legs up and covering her.

'I knew…I knew it was a bad idea…and I still…just because Addison was there, I…I can't do this,'

'yes you can. Look this is just one of those things that you and Derek will get through. I know right now it's like this huge hill but you'll do this. Me and Izzie went through me needing a new heart and her being ill and we did all that and now were together and happy. This is you and Derek's huge hill. Sometimes it takes this kina thing to show you what you really have,'

Meredith opened the house door, expecting Derek.

'Adele?'

'Meredith,' Meredith hesitated.

'Come in…can I get you a coffee? Wine?'

'Coffee would be good, thank you,' Meredith pulled the two mugs out of the cupboard, taking deep breaths in with anxiety.

'You weren't expecting me,' Meredith handed her the mug.

'No, I wasn't. I thought you were Derek, thought maybe her had left his keys at the hospital,'

'Derek's with Richard at home,'

'Why?' Adele covered Meredith's hand with hers.

'I know about the baby,' Meredith's head fell, Adele putting the coffee down and hugging her. Meredith could feel herself disappearing into her own world where nothing hurt and everything was made better by the woman who had practically raised her.

'When did it happen?'

'Yesterday, I was at work. I was examining a patient and I felt a pain. I shrugged it off but I started to get worse…and I knew. I didn't want to know but I did. I went and got Derek from surgery and Izzie ultra-sounded me, and told me that the lining had come away. She cleaned me up and I signed myself out,'

'You know that wasn't wise,'

'No one knew I was pregnant, except immediate family, friends. I didn't want anyone in the hospital knowing so we did everything under the radar,'

'No one knew,'

'No, no one will know. I've not told anyone about the miscarriage yet, Denny, Christina, Burke, Alex…Izzie obviously…and whoever Derek's told,'

'He's…he's needing a bit of time to get his head around this. Richards been there and Derek knows this, he knows that Richard can help him,'

'I never even thought…I'm sorry,'

'You have nothing to be sorry for Meredith. I'm the one person you can come to for anything and I know you would have been to see me in the next few days…but you never have to wait. You know that I am always here if you need me,'

'thank you,'

'Now, Bed for you. You should be resting,'

'I've been in bed all day,'

'I don't care. Bed now. If you were in the hospital, you and I both know that you would still be In bed and wouldn't be allowed back on your feet for days,'

'Yeah,' Meredith was halfway up the stairs when she stopped, looking down at Adele.

'Will you stay with me…just until I fall asleep?' Adele threw her keys down on the table and draped her jacket over the banister. She slipped her shoes off, taking Meredith's outstretched hand.

'Of course I will, I'll stay with you until you wake up in the morning,'


	10. Chapter 10

-1**Sorry I've not uploaded in a while. Please review and enjoy XD**

Adele lay next to Meredith on the bed, Meredith curled up against her. She had her legs drawn up to her chest, Adele listening to the rhythmic sounds of her breathing. But her breathing hitched, Adele looking down to see Meredith clutching at her stomach. The blood was seeping out onto the white sheets, Adele up and out of the bed in seconds. She turned Meredith on her back, Meredith screaming pain. Denny came running into the bedroom, looking between Adele and Meredith.

'Denny, call an ambulance, then call Richard. Tell him what's happened but tell him not to tell Derek. He'll only drive out here and be in the way. Get him to take Derek to the hospital and have them waiting for Meredith,'

'Better Idea,' Denny lifted Meredith up, Adele lifting blankets and covering her.

'Call them on the way, I'll get her there quicker than an ambulance would,' Adele nodded, grabbing her shoes and bag on the way out the door.

* * *

Adele jumped out the car and ran inside, Bailey running out behind her.

'When did she start bleeding?'

'Twenty minutes ago. I instantly put her on her back,'

'good, ok. Lets get her into an OR, get her sorted,'

'Derek and Richard should be here soon,'

'Ok, You tell them where she is. Denny, follow me,'

* * *

Derek ran in, frantically searching for Meredith.

'Derek,' he looked at Adele.

'Where is she?'

'Bailey took her straight down to surgery. She lost a lot of blood but she's going to be ok,'

'Did they give you an update?'

'Yeah. They were just cleaning her up when a nurse came and spoke to me,'

'Good…cleaning her up…that's a good thing,' Derek ran his hand over his mouth, Adele putting her hands on his arms.

'She's alright Derek,'

'Was she in Pain? Tell me she wasn't in pain,'

'I can't. but she did pass out in the car. She was only conscious for about ten minutes before that,'

'Ten minutes…she was in pain…' Derek looked at Denny walking out from the elevator doors with Izzie, Derek nearly jumping on her for information.

'She's still in theatre. Looks like she could be there for a while. Her left fallopian tube…the one that was damaged, ruptured…Addison's operating,'

'What? What the hell is Addison doing in Seattle?'

'She's here for a consult…I called her here. She was leaving when Meredith was brought in,'

'Addie's here,'

'Derek, for all you and Addison have history and Meredith and her never really got on, she didn't hesitate in turning right back around and helping Meredith. She literally dropped her bags and jacket on the floor and went to get changed. an intern was sent to get her stuff. She really cared about Meredith,'

'Addie's' not a spiteful woman. She wouldn't do something like that,'

'But I just thought you should know before you started yelling for her being here…she didn't hesitate to help Meredith,'

'thanks Izzie,'

'I'll go back up in a while and get you another update,'

'You should be taking it easy Izzie,'

'I start maternity leave next week. don't worry about me Derek. I'm ok,' Derek nodded.

'Denny…thanks for…for bringing…her here. You could have just called an ambulance,'

'I knew it would be quicker to just bring her here in the car. She means a lot to me Derek,'

'Thank you Denny,'

* * *

Addison sighed heavily, the nurses whispering around her.

'Look, I'm doing this because contrary to popular belief, I actually care for her. Now if you have a problem with that then I suggest you leave. Otherwise, shut the hell up. Debbie, put on music,'

'Any requests?'

'The Clash…I know that she listens to it all the time,'

'Yes Dr Montgomery,'

'Ok Meredith, lets get you back to him,'


	11. Chapter 11

-1Meredith opened her eyes, not even needing to register where she was. Before Derek realised that she was awake, she was pulling the blankets off her body and climbing out the bed slowly.

'Whoa, wait up,'

'Derek, I want you to get my clothes,'

'Meredith,'

'Get me scrubs, clothes I can put on. I want to go home,'

'You, are not going anywhere. You just had major abdominal surgery. So your going to get back into bed and your going to sleep,' Meredith looked at Addison, the tears in her eyes.

'I know Meredith, that your hurting but I need you to go back to bed and sleep. You just had major surgery,'

'I cant…I,'

'Meredith, lets get you back into bed and try and sleep,' Meredith nodded obediently, Derek silently leaving the room. Addison sat on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair away from Meredith's eyes.

'Tell me…what happened,'

'Your fallopian tube, the one that was damaged…it ruptured. I had to cortorise it, stop the bleeding,'

'So…,'

'So you now only have one fallopian tube, your right is ok, there's no damage or scaring. Your left ovary is damaged too, but again, your rights ok. Your ok…Physically your going to be fine,'

'Have you told Derek?'

'He nearly jumped me when I came out of the OR,'

'ok,'

'I'm staying in Seattle,'

'For how long?'

'As long as you need me here,'

'I…I want you to stay with me…stay with me,' Addison sat on the seat next to the bed, holding Meredith's cold hand in hers.

'I'm not going anywhere,'

Addison closed the exam room door behind Adele, looking as Adele took over from where Addison had been sitting.

'Where did Derek go?' Denny stood up, rubbing his hands together nervously

'He went down to neuro, he said he had patients to check on…is she ok?,'

'She's fine, physically…but mentally, this is gonna knock her,'

'I…I tried to go after Shep, but he just told me to stay and look after her, that he couldn't do it and that he had patients to look after,'

'I'll get him sorted. If anything happens, make sure they page me immediately,'

'I will,' Addison signed Meredith's chart, making sure the sedatives she had would keep her out of it a while longer. Derek stood over the young man, performing neuro checks, but instead of the perfectly steady hands he usually had, he was shaking. His whole body trembling.

'Derek,' He didn't respond to him name, Addison taking hold of his hand and pulling him out of the room.

'I have,'

'You have a wife up the stairs who has just had major surgery. Go and see her,'

'No, I have patients,'

'No you don't. I know that Doug is down here and he is covering your patients,'

'I,'

'Derek,' he shook his head, his head falling with the tears that started streaming down his face. Addison pulled him up from the wall, hugging him tightly.

'She's ok. You know that she's ok. There was nothing that could have prevented this, you know that. She's ok, she's not dying. She's ok and she's gonna be fine,'

'This has…first the miscarriage…now this…the termination…the…she's just gonna give up and…she's not gonna want to keep going…she's gonna loose it,'

'No. Because I'm not gonna let her loose it,'

'Your leaving…your going back to New York,' Addison closed her eyes, instantly knowing what she wanted and what she had to do.

'No, I'm staying here. I'm taking the job Richard offered me,'

'Your moving out here,'

'He offered me the job before I was supposed to be leaving. He said I would be wanted out here, make this hospital the best it could be. I'm taking him up on his offer,'

'Seriously?'

'Seriously,' Derek felt a relief off his shoulders, something he never expected to get by the news that Addison was staying. But somehow there was a strange sense of relief that there would be someone there to help, someone who could really help.

'Does Meredith know?'

'I wanted to make sure that you were ok with it first. I know that I caused a lot of problems…was the reason that she had termination. I know that could have been sore for you both…having me here. But I want to be here and I want to be friends, I want to help you and her. This will knock her. I get that. But she needs to be held up above the water for a while. And I'm gonna be there to help,'

'Thank you…you didn't need to do this. You could have walked away. But you helped,'

'For all that happened Derek, she's still someone that I have a lot of admiration for. She's an amazing woman…she puts up with you so she has to be,' Derek smiled weakly

'Meredith's gonna be ok. I'm gonna make sure of it,'


	12. Chapter 12

-1Denny watched Adele disappear for coffee before going into the room. Meredith was sleeping, Denny sitting down next to the bed. Her hands were cold, Denny taking both of them in between him, heating them up. She opened her eyes, smiling weakly at Denny.

'What are you doing here?'

'I had to see my drinking partner,'

'You should be with Izzie,'

'Izzie's at home, sleeping peacefully on the couch with George watching after her. I told her that I would stay, call her if anything happened,'

'You're gonna be a great dad Denny…I can tell,'

'And you'll be a great mom when you and shep get round to it. Might take you a bit longer than most but you'll do it in your own time,' Meredith scrunched her face up, the tears slipping out.

'I lost the baby…and now I only have one ovary and now we can't have kids and Derek's gonna leave me,' Denny slipped forward on the seat, leaning in closer to Meredith.

'No he's not. He's not gonna leave you. And you can have children. It's just gonna take a bit longer than what it would normally. You need to understand that this happens sometimes. We don't always know why it happens but it does. This isn't your fault…you didn't loose the baby, it's not your fault. Their were problems right from the start and you wouldn't have went full term. You know that. Just be glad that your still here and that you still have Shep,' Meredith lay staring at Denny, her face tear stained.

'Your gonna get through this. Your gonna be ok. And your gonna be a great mom to the hundred and one kids you and shep are gonna have. I know it,'

Meredith lifted her bag off the end of the bed, looking around the corridor before slipping out. She placed the chart down on the nurses station, no one registering that it was her. The AMA forms sat on top, Meredith knowing if she didn't have them signed, she would be dragged back in. Stepping into the elevator, she pressed the button repeatedly, praying that no one would see her leaving, or try to stop her. Just as the doors were closing, Mark slipped on, Meredith doing a double take.

'What? Have I grown another head while I've been away?'

'What are you doing here?'

'I came back…cause me and Addie are tryiong to make a go of it and she wants to move back, I'm moving back with her,' Meredith nodded a few times, Mark looking at her.

'Going home?' Meredith nodded

'I'm going home,' she stood silently before stepping forward, pulling the emergency stop. Mark looked at her, Meredith placing the bag on the floor slowly and standing up holding her side.

'You ok?'

'Major abdominal surgery about four days ago, I'm just fantastic. Look, I'm going home, like home home and I need you to make sure that…make sure that Derek's ok. I know he hates you but at the same time I need you to make sure that he's ok. Tell him that I'm fine,'

'Wait, I thought you were going home?'

'No, I'm going away, I'm going home mark. But he can't know.'

'Have you thought this through,'

'Look, I hurt him. When I'm with him I hurt him. So whats the point? Why hurt the person I love more than anything else. He could find someone who could give him the family that he wants, the family that he deserves. I can't. So, you tell him I'm sorry. If he asks why you didn't stop me, you say you didn't realise I was leaving. I'll explain to him…I just need to let him get a fresh start without me,' Mark nodded, Meredith starting the elevator again.

'So where is home?'

'Scotland,'

'What? The rainiest place in the world, even wetter than Seattle?'

'I stayed there for a while, before the start of my residency. I have a flat there in Edinburgh,' Mark leant down quickly, lifting the bag and walking Meredith out into the waiting cab.

'Just tell him I'm sorry,' Mark nodded.

'When's your flight?'

'two hours. I'm just gonna head back to the house, grab what I need then leave. I've left a note for me to be in radiology so he won't notice I'm gone for a couple of hours,'

'Smart lady. Take care of your self grey, if you need anything, call. I'll be waiting,'

'I will mark. And by the way, you better get a ring on Addie's finger,' Mark patted the pocket on his jacket.  
'Two steps ahead of you grey,'


	13. Chapter 13

-1Meredith wiped the worktop down, cleaning the entire apartment. The three bags sat at the door, Meredith putting off emptying them for three days. She had looked at them, the first hour she had been there being the hour she was going to empty them but as soon as she stepped over the threshold she cried. Cried over the fact she had just walked out on her life. On Derek. The buzzer went off repeatedly, Meredith pressing the button to open the main door. She opened the door, the shock on her face.

'What…how did you find me?'

'When you get engaged to someone, you loose the concept of secrets from each other. Mark told me where you were,' Meredith opened the door further, taking Addison's bag off her.

'Where does he think you are?'

'Mark knows where I am, Derek thinks I'm in Boston looking for you,'

'Does he know where I am?'

'No but he has everyone looking,' Meredith lifted two mugs down out the cupboard, filling them with coffee.

'Why did you leave?'

'How's Christina?'

'Meredith,'

'When I'm with him, he gets hurt. I hurt him. I can't live my life hurting him. He'll find someone else, someone that won't hurt him,' Meredith turned her back to Addison, lifting the cloth.

'Someone that can give him the family that he wants,'

'You let because you think you can't give him kids?' Meredith nodded.

'God you're an idiot,' Meredith turned away from Addison.

'You're a doctor for Christ sake Meredith. You still have a fully working ovary and fallopian tube. Your not infertile. But what you are is an idiot. Your killing him, never mind hurting him. He's dying because he doesn't have a clue where you are, if your ok. He has no idea. Your killing him Meredith. So, I'm not here to make you better. I'm here because the man that I loved more than life itself at one point in time is dying and I don't want him to. Please, I'm begging you to come back with me, come back and talk to him, fix your life,'

'He'll ask why I left…he'll leave me when he finds out,'

'Finds out that you were trying to stop him from hurting?'

'Finds out that I would just up and leave, finds out that I'm still the Meredith that I was. That I run when things get rough. When you left for the second time Addison, I was different. I wasn't the stupid resident that was just screwing her boss. I was senior resident, I was heading towards being an attending. I was doing my job better than anyone else could, I had a strong career and didn't need someone to come home to. But I changed. Or at least I thought that I changed. But no, I'm still the Meredith that runs when things get rough. I married a man that I had given up hope of getting. I started to get the happily ever after that I thought only existed in fairy tails. Then everything happened, reality set in. I went back to being Meredith. He didn't marry that person. He married someone else,'

'You forget one thing Meredith. You're the one who's walked away. Someone doesn't change over night. He would have saw you going back to the old person that you were. You seem to think that he would have forgotten all about the old Meredith, that he would think she didn't exist anymore. But he did. He knew you would take the damage badly. that's part of the reason I was staying in Seattle because Derek knew that the real Meredith was still in there. He knew you were still you underneath the strong person you were trying to be. He knew. But he still married you. He still stood by you as you slowly went backwards. He stood by you even after the termination and the damaged fallopian tube. He could have walked away, thought you were damaged. But he didn't because he loved you. So you had better get your ass back there Meredith. You had better go back and see the man who loves you more than life itself,'


	14. Chapter 14

-1**Really sorry for not updating for give me XD**

Meredith stood outside Seattle grace, looking in at the shell that used to be Derek sitting in the hospital lobby. She rubbed her hands together furiously, nerves of how he would react, how he would treat her.

'Go and see him. I'll stay out here,' Meredith glanced at Addison, nodding her head once.

'Ok,' Meredith lifted her bag off the ground, and walked towards the hospital. She stopped in the middle of the lobby, looking directly at Derek. He lifted his head up slowly, the look of a deer in headlights.

'Mere,' Meredith dropped her bag, walking forward into Derek's arms.

'I'm so sorry…I am so sorry,'

'It's ok…your back now, it's ok,'

Meredith stood in front of the full length mirror, looking at the scar on her stomach. She ran her fingers over it, slowly feeling the mark. She never noticed the shower being turned off, or the fact Derek was standing watching her. She sighed heavily, peeling the clothes off her body with all the energy that she had left.

'I…I didn't know what to do,' Meredith played with the hem on the bottom of her Dartmouth top.

'I left because I hurt you. When I'm with you…I hurt you…I always manage to hurt you. No one should have that…no one,'

'I don't get why you didn't just talk to me,'

'Because I hurt you. Do you know what it's like waking up every day and remembering that the day before you broke the person you loves heart, yet again? You have no idea what that's like. I cant stand the fact I cant give you children…I can't stand the fact that I put you through all the shit I did…you didn't deserve that. No one deserved that. That's why I left. That's why I walked when I did,' Derek nodded once, walking round the bed towards Meredith. She turned her back to him, Derek not taking it and turning her back around.

'When I married you, I married you for the rest of my life. Not just for the good bits. The bad bits too. This is one of the bad bits…you know that. But that doesn't mean you get to walk out on this. You have to stay for these bits. It's not fair if I promise to stay if you don't,' Meredith rested her head against Derek's chest, Derek kissing the top of her head.

'I walked…I shouldn't have walked but I did,'

'Are you gonna walk again?' Meredith looked up

'No, I'm not gonna walk,'

'Just…promise me that your gonna stay for the bad bits…as well as the good bits,' Meredith sighed heavily, leaning up and kissing Derek softly.

'I promise,'

Derek reached across in the middle of the night, the cold side of the bed waking him up in seconds. His heart started pounding against his chest, his first reaction to look around the room and see if her stuff was gone. Everything was the same as when he had went to bed, nothing had been moved. The front door opened and closed, Derek coming down the stairs to see Meredith throwing her jacket on the hook.

'Where were you? It's three in the morning,'

'I couldn't sleep…I went for a walk. Why? You think I had run off again?' Derek sighed heavily, sitting on the bottom step.

'The thought crossed my mind, yeah. When you just disappeared like that…'

'You Don't trust me,' Meredith looked down to the keys in her hand, not needing to look at Derek to know his answer. She shook her head, lifting her bag off the floor and putting her jacket back on.

'I have a meeting at the hospital in the morning, I'll see you there,'

'Where are you going?'

'The hospital…people trust me there,'

Meredith rounded on the patients, everyone sleeping, no one in pain.

'Dr Shepherd, there a RTA coming in, eta, three minutes,' Meredith nodded her head, glad of the noise that was about to fill her, distract her from the thoughts of Derek.

'What we got?' Meredith backed into the room, pulling gloves on as she went.

'Simon Davie's, thirty six year old male with obvious head trauma, possible spinal trauma. Coded once. BP'S steady, 90 over 60, heart rates 126...ICP's thirteen and rising,' Meredith flashed the light in his eyes, his pupils not reacting.

'I need a CT scan and an OR opened. Someone find out if there's any relatives about, any allergies I need to know about,'

'Wife died at the scene, so did his daughter,'

'How old was his daughter?' everyone fell silent, Meredith looking around.

'How old was she?'

'They got her out the hospital today, three days old. They were visiting grandparents. He's been talking about how he's left his coat there,' Meredith sighed heavily and shook her head.

'Ok, lets gets him scanned,'

Meredith slammed her hand off the button, the entire OR silent. Everyone watched her leave, watched her scrub out, watch as she fought back the tears. Ten minutes into the surgery he had coded and never come back. A hour of trying to resuscitate him had been pointless.

'I heard about the RTA. You dealt with it well,' Meredith ignored the chief, signing the chart.

'Meredith,'

'I have a meeting with you in an hour, I'll talk then,'

'You can come and talk to me now. I have time,' Meredith closed the chart over, nodding.

'I'll be there in five minutes,'


	15. Chapter 15

-1Richard handed Meredith the mug of coffee, Meredith raising her eyebrows at him.

'I promise it's not a bribe. I want to talk to you, about what happened, what happens now,' Meredith nodded her head a few times, knowing that Richard would eventually talk to her, ask her why she had walked out on her life, her job, her husband.

'Meredith, you destroyed that man. He was in pieces. He begged me, asked me if I knew where you were, that he had to find you and bring you home to him. You cannot just walk out on a marriage like that,'

'It's not how life works right? Is that what you were about to say? Chief…I was in this hospital at four this morning, even though I didn't have to be in until nine. Why? Cause my husband doesn't trust me. I've destroyed my marriage, any trust that he had in me. I did that. I have to live with the consequences of that. It's gonna be months before he fully trusts me again, before he lets me back into his life,'

'Why did you leave?' Meredith sat forward in the seat, leaning her arms on her legs

'Truthfully…I couldn't be here…I couldn't have the life I wanted in the place I wanted so I walked. It sounds selfish…I couldn't hurt him. Every time I get anywhere near him, I hurt him, I break him into pieces. He can't live with me…can't live with out me. I love him more than anything, and would do anything for him…I hated the fact that hurt him with every breath I took…that was killing me,'

'Meredith,'

'I get that you hate me for walking out on the hospital…but…I came back. Although I didn't want to at the time, I came back. And I'm glad that I didn't because if I didn't…I would be in pieces,' Richard came round from behind the desk, sitting down next to Meredith. She took a deep, shuddery breath in, Richard tilting her head to look at him.

'I want you to promise me, that you will come and talk to me when you need to, you won't walk away again, you come and you talk to me, about everything and anything. You're the best god damn neuro surgeon I have, you Derek are right next to each other. I don't want to loose you,' Meredith nodded a few times.

'You Won't loose me…and I will talk,'

'Promise?'

'ok,'

Meredith sat in the empty gallery, her head resting in her hands. The lights had been turned out in the Gallery along with the OR, the light sensitive patient having to be awake during the surgery.

'I should have trusted you,'

'You Don't have to,'

'Yes I do. I made you promise that you weren't gonna walk again and then I thought you were gone. That's not fair on you. With everything that's happened, I shouldn't be doubting your word,'

'I'm surprised that you took me back,'

'What?'

'if you had disappeared, I doubt I would have waited for you. Your choice to walk,'

'You didn't want me to take you back?' Derek's at down next to Meredith, Meredith shaking her head.

'No, that's not what I meant. I meant that I thought you would have given up on me like I had on us. I was expecting to get back and find that you were getting back to normal, that you were moving on with your life. Instead people are telling me that you hadn't slept in days and haven't eaten in longer,'

'I looked for you. I called all the hospitals, hotels, everywhere that I could think that you were…and it felt like you were hiding, that you didn't want to be found,'

'I didn't. I did hide. The only person I told was Mark, and that was only in case anything happened…someone dies or something. I was hiding, hiding from the fact I'm failing you,'

'Failing me? You think that your failing me?'

'I can't give you children the way…I might never get pregnant again…and you want a family, you have a huge family,'

'So do you,'

'What?'

'You want a family, you have a huge family. Your forgetting that you want the same things I do. You want to be a mother, hence the reason the miscarriage was so…bad. Your making out that I'm the only one that wants kids. No, you do as well. Your missing out on starting a family too,'

'I never thought,'

'No, you didn't. But that's the end of it. You went away for a while, sorted your head out. Your back. We put it behind us and we start again. We wipe the slate clean and we start again. And who knows we could be talking a few months and you might be pregnant. But we start again. No more running,' Meredith turned to face Derek, wrapping her arms around him, letting him breath.

'No more running, and we start again,'


	16. Chapter 16

**I have a major apology on my page. Please read it XD**

Meredith laughed for what felt like the first time in months. Wiping the slate clean had involved binning everything they had bought for the soon to be nursery. There was no question. Everything went, the room was painted white and the junk was put back in it. Derek kissed down the side of her neck, his hands tickling her sides.

'Say it,'

'No, you'll never make me,' Derek rubbed his face up and down her neck more, his stubble grating against her skin.

'Ok, you're not old and grey. You're anything but,' Derek pulled back smiling, leaning down and kissing Meredith, her arms wrapping around his neck.

'I'm only six years older than you are,'

'And I'm only a baby,' the door was rattled furiously, Meredith smiling.

'Yeah,' Denny opened the door suddenly

'Izzie's…she's,' Meredith didn't need to hear more, pulling on Derek's shirt and running through to the bedroom. Izzie sat at the edge of the bed, holding her sides.

'How far apart?'

'two minutes,'

'Has your water broken?' Izzie looked down, the fluid seeping into the bed

'Yes,' Meredith eased Izzie up into the bed.

'You still wanna go ahead,' Izzie nodded furiously, Denny standing at the door.

'Denny, I want you to go in behind her. Rub the bottom of her back with your hands. Put all the heat you can into it. I'll be back,' Meredith smiled at Derek, pulling on a pair of his scrubs.

'Izzie's in labour. Contractions are two minutes apart and her water's just broken,' Derek pulled on a white t-shirt and scrub bottoms, following Meredith through into the bedroom. Meredith pulled the wet sheets out from underneath Izzie's feet, replacing them with clean dry ones.

'How you feeling?'

'I want to get into water…I want water,' Derek smiled.

'I'll go run the bath,' Meredith covered Izzie's legs, examining her gently.

'Izzie, there's no time,'

'What?'

'There's no time. Your ten centimetres. By the time we get you in the water,'

'NO I WANT WATER!' Meredith smiled, Denny starting to panic

'Get her into water,'

'Denny, it's not safe to move her,'

'Like hell it is,' Denny slipped out, Lifting Izzie up. Izzie started screaming in pain, Denny's eyes widening.

'Denny, you had better run if your going to put her in that bath,' Meredith smiled, Derek having filled her bath up, knowing that there was more space.

'Denny, do the same as what you were doing on the bed, get in behind her and rub the bottom of her back. Let her grab onto you and scream at you,' Meredith leaned over the end of the bath, Izzie screaming that she had to push.

'Denny, I want you to tell her when to push and when not to. I'll let you know when,' Meredith tied her hair up, nodding at Denny. Izzie screamed Meredith reaching into the water suddenly and pulling the baby out.

'It's a boy, you have a son,' Meredith placed him on Izzie's chest, Izzie mesmerised by the tiny creature.

'Fastest birth I've seen in a long time,'

Meredith lay staring at the ceiling, fully aware that Derek was the exact same and couldn't sleep. Denny pacing back and forth in the hall was causing the floor boards to creak gently, each of them waiting for the tiny baby to fall back asleep.

'He's gorgeous,' Derek turned his head to face Meredith, Meredith doing the same.

'Good weight, healthy, easy pregnancy. It's been easy,'

'We talked about this, it's going to happen when it happens,'

'I want it to happen. I want to have a family with you. I don't want to wait any longer,' Derek leaned on his elbow, looking down at Meredith.

'You want to try?' Meredith nodded and jumped out the bed, her and Derek getting dressed. They looked at each other, both of they wearing clothes inside out.

'Trailer keys?' Derek lifted various pants off the floor, raiding the pockets of each.

'Got them,'

'Car keys?' Meredith patted her trouser pockets.

'Lets' go,'


End file.
